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The Night I Decided To Die But Found Happiness Instead

New Years Eve 1999 was to be my last night on Earth.

In the space of a few years my life had crumbled apart.

Hard event after hard event kept draining my life force.

It began when my father suddenly died (my inspiration!) and then almost straight away my mum was diagnosed with cancer and I lost my prized career job I had taken 10 long hard years of sacrifice from teenage years to win and I struggled to get another.

Added to this my health began to worsen and I was tested and re-tested for cancer as well (it took some months to discover I didn’t have it), my partner broke up with me and with no real money coming in the bank were in contact about my home. With problems with abusive neighbours and regular trips to the hospital for mum’s treatment plus the sponsored car I had with my job having to go back and no finances to replace it I began to sink and sink.

As Christmas approached I had nothing to buy presents with nor did I feel like even celebrating it. It was a dark, soulless Yuletide as I began to slip away…….

The dark and loss of hope had taken over and won…

It was time to end the misery.

fireworks

By the time New Year’s Eve came I was gone…a mess, an empty shell of confidence and good feeling, all life, all I held dear and had strived for, what I loved, had been taken away.

I felt forgotten, worthless, unlovable, and a complete and utter failure and waste of a human being. After all, the circumstances round me proved so!

As the world partied, as the fireworks blitzed all around in an array of colours, as everyone looked to the future, I took out a large kitchen knife to end the pain that engulfed me.

I was numb and ready………..

….I held the knife above my wrists and in those last ‘dying’ moments I decided to have one last look at the useless soul, this nothing of a person, before I decided to die.

And then it happened.

inner light woman

Something…switched on. Something inside stirred…and I felt it instantly.

It was incredible.

A light, a truth, my spirit…I don’t know.

As the knife hovered somehow I came to life. Something more powerful and spiritual inside me awakened.

I dropped the knife so strong was this….power?

All I knew in that moment was I wanted to live, I needed to live, to be here to do something more hopeful and helpful and inspiring for me and for those who were lost and beaten like I had been. Suddenly the emptiness began to shrink overpowered by the new ‘supernatural’ force.

I got happy and got well.

In the next few days afterwards I got help (medical and clinical) and got happier.

It’s as if everything wrong with my world melted away in favour of a growing cause to bring some more happiness to life for others but also to have a purpose for living for myself.

Yes, it took many months to be classed ‘well’ again, but soon as I worked through my old fears and self-loathing, it was steadily replaced by a cheerier feel, a brighter outlook similar to when a heavy storm has ended as the sun re-appears.

And as it did I decided to not only share my story but share some positivity with everyone. To add some spark to people’s dark. To awaken more inner spirits and outer joys.

That’s why you are reading this at The Inspiration Club site, a club I originally set up in 2007 and that was re-launched again in 2014 due to the energy, enthusiasm, vision, and desire to help others too of both Carole and Natasha who have that same inner spark.

Today I am well, alive, thriving….and happy.

How do you get happy?

My own journey has proved to me to be truly happy takes one simple, timeless key.

happy woman

 Live life from the inside.

Never let circumstances or the outside world define, decide, or direct your happiness.

Listen to your heart, awaken your spirit, trust your instincts, connect to yourself, and love……lots and lots of love.

First for yourself and then let that ripple out from you.

Then the rest will magically happen.

And then every day will be New Years Eve for the rest of your wonderful life.

With Love, John xx

Have you had an epiphany?

Has a dark time led to an amazing discovery in your life?

Let us know how you found happiness through a difficult experience.

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Image courtesy of AndYaDontStop

 

3 Responses so far.

  1. Terri Lindsay says:

    Thank you!

  2. Carole Donnelly says:

    Mary
    Thank you for your message, we really do appreciate you taking the time to comment

  3. mary davern says:

    thank you so much. i wish all could read your story. there is so much suicide in ireland and it is mostly teenagers, so very sad, people who are depressed are like fine bone china, you never put them in a dishwasher, but hand wash so gently. they are angels on this earth, i could go on and on. never try to hurt someone cause their lives could be falling apart and that hurt could end all.

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